Report: Of Course This Drunk And Lazy Irish Catholic Would Be Opposed To The White Australia Policy
KENNETH ANDERSEN | Monocultural Affairs | CONTACT And once again, Australian Patriotism has been hijacked by the deeply twisted self-pity of
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A poor shy guy from Betoota Heights has had his social anxiety truly tested this week, after making the mistake of adopting a very adorable puppy.
Speaking to our reporter, who cornered him at a bustling journal cafe in the french quarter district, a very uncomfortable looking Paul Bradman, 29, says he had no idea the amount of attention he’d receive after adopting a very friendly eight week old Jack Russell.
“I can’t walk anywhere”, admits Paul, as he rubs the back of his neck so hard, it begins to turn red, “It takes me an hour to get home.”
“I’ve even tried taking him out for a walk outside the peak times, but it’s just relentless.”
As if on cue, a gaggle of young women, who appear to be between the ages of 19 and 25, stop what they’re doing and descend into a series of baby noises and coos.
“Oh my goooood, HOW CUTE!”
“WHAT’S HIS NAME!!”
“HE’S SO FRIENDLY!!”
More to come.