Inspired By Jordan Peterson, Scott Morrison Releases Own 12 Rules For Life 

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Proving he can still embarrass us even when he’s not PM, Scotty from Marketing bought front row meet and greet tickets to YouTube transphobe Jordan Peterson’s Sydney show.

But the highly circulated picture of two of the worst people you know is not the only thing that came of that meeting.

In time for Christmas, Scotty has released his own 12 Rules For Life which he claims are loosely based on the teachings of Jordan Peterson or has he calls him JorPete.

To save anyone the humiliation of actually paying for this book, The Advocate has decided to publish Scotty’s 12 Rules for Life in their entirety.

1. Stand up straight with your face smug.
2. Treat yourself like a (non-boat) person.
3. Make friends with people who have the same religion as you and then make them take the fall when you get exposed for bizarre and possible illegal abuses of power.
4. Compare yourself to the secret portfolio you gave yourself yesterday, not whoever the deputy is today.
5. Divert funds into your own electorate if you have to.
6. Have Jenny set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world.
7. Pursue what is meaningful (like a religious discrimination bill).
8. Tell people you are telling the truth.
9. Assume that the person you are listening to knows a curry recipe you don’t.
10. Be precise in your speech, Mr Speaker.
11. Do not bother the PM while they are on holiday.
12. Shake a cat’s hand when you encounter one in the street.

Each of Scotty’s 12 rules of life are accompanied by an essay, or at least would have been if he clearly didn’t get bored halfway through and began plagiarising scenes from the Adam Sandler movie Click (2005).

More to come.