"I'm Not Putting That Shit In My Body" Declares Local Cockatiel That Has Done Its Own Research On Bird Flu Vaccine

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local cockatiel has this week told society that it will not be taking the bird flu vaccine that's currently on offer from the Federal Government after doing a bit of their own research on the matter.

The world is facing an unprecedented avian influenza event and the Albanese Government has told birds around the nation that it wants to get on the front foot and protect as many of them as possible.

Which means birds in captivity, critically endangered native species and cool birds everyone likes such as kookaburras, wedgies, swans and those charming geese with personality are atop the priority list.

Local cockatiel "Gunt" is classified as a 'bird in captivity' as he belongs to a local high schooler.

Gunt also ticks the 'birds everyone likes' box, as well as the 'native species' as well.

All these things are meaningless to Gunt, who told The Advocate via cadet reporter Wendell Hussey's bird telepathy powers (which also allow him to be on the NDIS) that he's not a pigeon.

"I'm not putting that shit in my body," Gunt told Wendell.

"Read up on it. It's a rush job. It's been through fuck all testing and it's killed a bunch of pigeons. I don't care if it's the Pfizer one, I'm still not taking it. You can shove it up your arse."

The Federal Government has assured all birds that the vaccine is safe and there's nothing to worry about, until there is something to worry about.

More to come.