“I Wish They Didn’t Cover The Coleslaw In Mayo” Says Man Halfway Through 800g Schnitty

LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact

Local unit Jared O’Toole (32) tucked into a well-earned pub lunch only to express a disdain for the coleslaw that was saturated in mayonnaise that accompanied his 800g schnitzel.

Taking in a few jars at the Betoota Tavern, O’Toole opted for the schnitzel instead of the chicken burger as to save on carbs. To his detriment, O’Toole discovered that his ‘probably paleo’ lunch option was accompanied by a coleslaw that was slathered in full-fat mayonnaise.

“Oh why have they done this?” stated the man who has never finished a side salad.

“That is just too rich. I’m gonna stick to my chips.”

A frequent patron of the Betoota Tavern, O’Toole states he was sceptical about the menu when it began offering vegan options and free range chicken.

Now that he has sampled the new ‘Mega Schnitty with chips and slaw’ O’Toole states his fears have been confirmed and the coleslaw covered in mayo has ruined his chances of ever feeling ok about eating the equivalent of half a chook.

“I mean I could have ordered one of the new healthy option like a vege burger or a salad but for Christ’s sake, I’m not a fucking lunatic.”

More to come.