“I Am Uneasy About The Japanese Making Our Warships” Says Landcruiser Owner

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man has expressed his unease with a former geopolitical enemy winning a contract to build some of our new warships.

Betoota Heights fencing contractor Murray Fysh make some remarks this morning outside a local cafe regarding the Japanese firm, Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, getting the nod to build $10 billion worth of warships for our navy, beating a German company.

The Mogami frigate, which is the most modern in the world, will be the latest bit of kit our government is buying to protect our island from the neoimperialist Chinese Government.

“I’m just not sure about them,” he said.

As he prefaced his distrust of the Japanese people as a whole, he kicked out a leg and rested an elbow on the bullbar of his Toyota Landcruiser.

“I mean, it wasn’t too long ago they were putting the dog up us in the Pacific. You know, my grand uncle Gus, he did his gap year working pro bono for the Japanese Government in Thailand and Myanmar. Reminds me of that TV show on Amazon. Going up north or whatever. Tell you what, they should’ve called that show ‘Why My Dad Hates Sushi’ or rice or whatever. But yeah look, people have long memories, like elephants, we can’t be letting the Japanese make our ships until the WW2 boys are all gone. It’s just disrespectful. Would we let the Vietnamese make sandwiches for our veterans? Well, that’s a poor example but you get what I mean,”

“But if it wasn’t them, it would’ve been the Germans so it’s lose-lose. Why can’t we just make them ourselves.”

When asked where he thought his Landcrusier was built, Fysh laughed.

“You think I’m an idiot, don’t you? I know they’re bloody built by them small-handed Japanese in Japan. Same place my lesbian sister’s Subaru Outback is made. A car is a car. You know, this thing won’t be much use to me when the Chinese storm the beaches of Nightcliff and come for us. Well, I could run over a couple but I’d get turned to Swiss cheese pronto if it came to that. I have a mortgage, I’m not allowed to die,”

“But we’re paying them to build a ship, I think. They can just turn around and say, ‘Sorry Albo mate, we’re keeping it. Thanks for paying for it, you fucken round-eyed goose and they can join in with the Chinese and take our uranium and our off the plan apartments.’ Fucken houses in Sunnybank. Chatswood. We’re done, mate.”

Fysh excused himself to collect his strong mocca and ham cheese croissant.

More to come.