VX Celebrates First Successful Month Of Ruining High School Parties

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

Due to current times being tough, VB went ahead and released a new beer because we all deserve a little treat.

Named Xtra Victoria Bitter, or VX for short, the extra strong lager with a well hidden 6% ABV comes in packs of four little throwdowns because when you drink them you’ll want to throw down too.

Although the beer is clearly meant to be drunk at a rapid pace by those who need the night to deteriorate immediately, Carlton United Breweries claim VX is to be savoured in moderation which is exactly what their customers will do.

With a varied history in new beer developments, CUB are proud to announce VX has had a successful first month of sales, shifting an unprecedented amount of slabs and ruining a very expected amount of evenings amongst teenage binge drinkers.

“We’d like to thank Aussie beer lovers for their support of VX,” said CUB in an official statement that appeared to be written with quill and what we hope is rust coloured ink.

“Additionally we’d like to extend an apology to Betoota Ponds High year 10 and hope that those affected are soon released by the police and intensive care units respectively.”

Underage drinking has long been acknowledged as a hobby it is impossible to be good at on the first go, especially when little red bottles or fist fight fuel are on the market.

“We would like to let our underage consumers know that violence is never OK and we’d much prefer you used VX as a way to commandeer a nice outdoor area as your own personal D&M space instead.”