Report: Is Every Fucking Month A No Drinking Challenge These Days?

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

With the golden age of alcoholism merely more than a blur in the nation’s rearview mirror, a new disturbing trend may be taking its place, all in the name of a good cause.

Following the success of the psychotic temperance challenge Dry July, wherein participants raise money for cancer research by abstaining for alcohol for a month, it appears that other charities also want a slice of the dry pie, turning every fucking month into a no drinking challenge.

“At first there was just Dry July, then Ocsober popped up, presumably targeting bongheads as well,” stated research scientist and noted piss-cutting legend Francis Cox (50).

“Now it’s Parched March this and Septemperance that, it’s like for fuck’s sake, why can’t we raise money while drunk?”

Dr Cox states the viral success of these challenges could be considered a pandemic, especially if they try to do one during the more piss heavy months like December and January, which he considers ‘psychotic.’

More to come.