Report finds you’re not pissed until you start talking like they do on The Sims

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An independent report commissioned by the Australian Hoteliers Association [AHA] has concluded that patrons should only be denied service due to intoxication when the person starts speaking Simlish, a language invented for the popular video game, The Sims.

The news startled many in the industry, who stand by the traditional definition of an ‘intoxicated person’ which comes with a number of visual and mental indicators.

It’s unclear whether the AHA will adopt the report’s findings as a blanket policy over the industry, but it’s food for thought according to their executive vice president.

“When you come across a patron speaking that hoorang wok-eyed jibberish they speak on that dopey video game, The Sims, you arm bar him out the nearest exit,” said the AHA’s Gary Watson.

“If you can get yourself to the bar without wetting your pants and order a couple drinks then power to you, brother. Hook in and get blind but don’t you start speaking that Simlish. You start speaking Simlish and you’ll be pretzeled until your shoulders dislocate,”

“You can’t be drunk in a pub but you can be blind.”

More to come.