People Pleaser’s “No Stress” Roughly Translated To “The Last Fucking Thing I Need”

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT

Self-proclaimed people pleaser, Sarah Jenkins, has been caught in a linguistic conundrum. Her frequent usage of the phrase “No stress” holds the opposite meaning, when in-fact she is severely fucking stressed.

To her concerned friends, Sarah’s seemingly innocuous words carry a weighty, coded distress signal.

“It’s like a silent plea for help,” one friend remarked. “The contradiction is alarming.”

When pressed about this stark linguistic contrast, Sarah attempted to downplay the issue, asserting, “It’s just a figure of speech! I mean the complete opposite of what I say.”

Nevertheless, Sarah’s unintentional employment of verbal irony has led to a baffling predicament, causing confusion and mild panic among her social circle.

For example: Sarah’s friend hits her with the dreaded “Sorry for doing this so last minute but I can’t come on the trip away this weekend”.

Now in this situation a “No stress!” response translates to, “Fuck you bitch everyone’s going to have to pay extra for accommodation and now I have no one to drive down with.”

One question remains: Could this perplexity lead to a newfound understanding among friends, or will it perpetuate a state of ongoing misunderstanding, further complicating Sarah’s already intricate use of language?

Who knows.

More to come.