Local Bloke Finally Achieves Dreams Of Having A Hot Goth Girl Sit On His Face By Dying

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A Betoota Ponds bloke who spent his entire adult life trying to nab himself the elusive hot goth girl has finally achieved his goal of getting a photo with one today, though he unfortunately has no idea, given he’s dead.

Brian Parker, 29, was reportedly hit by Dodge Ram on Daroo Road in Betoota Heights roughly two months ago, leaving behind his Playstation 5, an extensive manga collection, and a Siamese fighting fish named Terry.

Though his friends and family are naturally very distressed by his passing, they have been able to find some  – notably, that his tombstone has become a hotspot for goths to take photos on.

“He would have been really happy if he knew”, says Brian’s best mate, Jamie, “and I like to think that he does know, somehow.”

More to come.