“Look At All These Collingwood Bandwagoners” Says Australian Lakers Fan

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Inner-Melbourne native Carl Tonello (38) is unhappy with all the Collingwood Magpies bandwagon supporters who ‘tarnish the game he loves second-most’ after basketball, of which his favourite team is, and always has been, the LA Lakers.

An Australian rules football fanatic, Tonello states he almost had a chance with the VFL but passed it up to spend more time studying commerce and playing pick-up basketball whenever a film such as Space Jam or Airbud has recently played on network TV.

Although he spends most of his time working and getting pissed in Melbourne’s CBD, Tonello is outraged by the casual fans throwing support behind his hometown Magpies, a team he rarely shows support for as they haven’t made a snapback cool enough yet.

“Fakers. Bet none of them have ever pegged a pot at some loose-lipped Swanie-sucker for hanging shit on Joffa,” stated Tonello.

“Bet they can’t even name one player.”

When asked how many Lakers players he could name, Tonello stated “Lebron obviously,” before continuing to talk about how much he hated middle-class Collingwood supporters for ‘ruining the game.’

“If you ask me, you’re not a Collingwood supporter until you’ve had your life ruined because someone thought you were being a racist when you were just having a go at someone fuckwit for being a fucking flog.”

“I’m not racist anyway because I go for the Lakers and they’ve got lots of black people on their team. Lebron for example. Metta World Peace I think. Yeah, Lebron.”