Local Meth Cook Says He Won’t Let The Robots Take His Job Without A Fight

26 May, 2017. 15:45

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A prominent East Betoota meth cook has lashed out at lesser media outlets for scaring the population by saying robots and automation will take their jobs in the coming years.

Bradley Dennis Kinkman explained to The Advocate this afternoon that online blogs such as The Courier-Mail and The Northern Times are ‘sensationalising a non-issue for clicks to appease their overlord Ronald Murdoch.’

He’s been cooking methamphetamine in the wider Diamantina area for nearly a decade.

“I’d like to see a robot take my job,” said the 28-year-old.

“Even if a robot could take my job, I’d like to see him try. I’ve got a Glock 23 down the back of my track pants. I’d be like the time I lost at SimCity and took to my laptop with a dog chain. Ganjaville was ready for a second airport, I don’t care what any cunt said,”

“But yeah, some robots are getting shot if they try anything. I’ve run over a cat before and I didn’t stop, I’ll do it again.”

A number of jobs, however, have already been lost to automation in Betoota.

Wendy Chamberlain lost her receptionist role here at The Advocate last year after she was replaced by an answering machine and a cigarette vending machine. She’s just one of many who tell a similar story.

“I used to answer the phones and run to the shops to buy smokes for the staff. I’ve been replaced by a heartless bitch who doesn’t even know to get Peter Stuyvesants when the times are good and Horizon 50s when they are bad.”

More to come.