A robbery attempt on the Betoota General Store & Steroid Dispensary has ended poorly for the would-be criminal last week after he passed away from coronary complications immediately after stealing a charity tin from the store.

The charity tin was established to raise money to replace the original charity tin which was used to raise money to support struggling casino owners until it was stolen earlier this year.

Cashier Crystal Garabedian says she noticed the man acting strangely when he entered the store just before closing on Wednesday.

“He picked up the charity tin off the counter and started bouncing it up and down in his hands to see how heavy it was, then he put it back on the counter and started timing how long it took him to run from the counter to his car,” the storeowner said.

“When he asked me how far away the Betoota Police Station was I started to wonder if he really was here to make a purchase.”

Sure enough, the heartless thief suddenly snatched the charity tin and darted from the store, immediately collapsing on the footpath whilst clutching his chest.

Although bystanders attempted CPR, the man could not be revived and was declared dead at the iconic Betoota Central Hospital & Ten Pin Bowlarama at 3:35PM.

A subsequent post-mortem identified the cause of death as a lack of heart, commonly known as Acute Cordis Absentia, an uncommon condition with a 100% mortality rate.

Chief Medical Examiner Megan Schick said the sudden absence of a heart was clearly the leading cause of death and survival prospects for anyone suffering the condition were grim.

“The heart is a very important part of the body” she explained. “It pumps blood around the body and provides your body with nutrients and oxygen, whilst removing waste. You need to have one to not be dead”.


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