Former High School Rugby Prodigy Calls His Old Islander Coach To Suss Betting Tips On Next Pope

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

As all eyes across the Catholic world stay fixated on the chimney of the Sistine Chapel, one local Betoota man is hustling to win big, it can be reported.

Tate Campbell-Wright, a former high-school Rugby prodigy who captained the 1st XV at North Betoota’s St Joseph’s College, has attempted to satiate his gambling addiction this week by cashing in on the election of the next pope.

Despite having bets on several seats in the election and every game of Magic Round, Tate’s taken his addiction to an entirely new level, and dived deep into the odds for the next head of the Catholic Church.

And after reading every article written by bookies both home and abroad, and giving Reddit a decent scour, Tate’s alleged to have gone back to the oldest well of wisdom he has in his phone, and called his old high school attacking coach Kele Fa’atau, a man who almost got him a Queensland Reds contract when he was only 17.

“Kele, mate, how are you?” Tate started, trying to reheat his old friendship with a coach who never heard a squeak from him after he blew both his ACLs. “Just thought I’d call to see how you’ve been?”.

After about 15 minutes of dry chat about the state of Super Rugby, Tate managed to swing into the true reason for the call, and try to leverage Kele’s devout Catholic faith into winning some beer money.

“Mate, I see you and the family are still right into your church, any thoughts on the next Pope?” asked Tate.

“Everyone’s been talking up the Italian favourite Pietro Parolin, but is there anyone else that takes your fancy?”

“The Filipino Luis Antonio Tagle is in with a shot, but after Francis I wouldn’t be surprised if the old guard got back in and wound the Church back another decade,” answered Kele.

“Take a peek at Matteo Zuppi from Bologna, he’s a mixed bag but they’ve got a good price on him!”