Brain-Dead Office Man Lives In Fear That Somebody Will Ask Him To Something Today

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Productivity is down and thoughts of quitting his job and moving to Ghana are on the up.

Matt Greenslade has a bad case of the Mondays and with each passing moment, he hopes that 5 o’clock rolls around without anybody asking him to do anything remotely challenging.

“I didn’t even get up to much,” he told our reporter.

The media agency the 28-year-old works for is on the floor below The Advocate’s Daroo Street newsroom.

He joined our reporter in the designated smoking area for a few precious, quiet minutes.

“But yeah, I just feel very flat and very tired. Well, I played golf on Saturday morning then had a bit of a long lunch with the fellas. I actually threw up for the first time in years that night. The guys just drink so much and so fast,”

“Next thing I know, I’m on the D46 tram to work this morning and I feel like part of me has died. I don’t think I want to sell ad space around radio shows anymore. I want to move to Africa and build schools. What the fuck am I doing with my life?”

Our reporter said he didn’t know and that he couldn’t answer that awkwardly existential question for him – only he could.

Matt shrugged and put his John Player Special out when he was only halfway through sucking it down.

“I guess I’ll have a different opinion on Friday.”

More to come.