Bloke Who Claims To Be Into His Fishing Doesn’t Even Have 10 Opened Packets Of Nuclear Chicken Soft Plastics Scattered Throughout The Boot Of His Station Wagon

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Local man Greg Simmons has had his fishing credentials called into question today, after mates uncovered an alarming lack of essentials in the boot of his 2010 Holden Commodore Omega; the engine light illuminated permanently due to the timing chains stretching.

Greg, a 38-year-old painter who’s been banging on about how “mad keen” he is on fishing for as long as anyone can remember, was found shockingly unprepared for the sport. Not only was his Commodore devoid of the usual clutter of tackle boxes and spools of fluorescent braid, but there were also zero opened packets of Nuclear Chicken soft plastics strewn about the place. A red flag for any true angler.

“We opened the boot expecting to see the usual chaos of half-used soft plastics and mouldy bait bags,” said close mate Tim McLean, shaking his head.

“But no, his Commodore was almost spotless. He didn’t even have a single pack of Nuclear Chickens, let alone 10 scattered around like a proper fisho.”

For serious fishing enthusiasts, having opened packs of the famous green-and-pink Nuclear Chicken soft plastics rolling around in the boot is as essential as owning a rod. The fact that Greg’s dunny door, complete with sagging roof liner and a sticky third gear, didn’t have any lures at all has left his fishing mates dumbfounded.

“Look, the timing chains we can forgive. They’re just not worth replacing sometimes. That’s standard for a Commodore this old,” Tim said.

“But not having a few stray lures mixed in with the spare tire? Mate, you’re not a fisho, you’re a fraud.”

Greg tried to defend himself, but the lack of plastic chicken carnage in his boot tells a different story.

“I’m just a neat freak,” he said.

“Seriously, I like having a tidy car.”

More to come.