Households Who Have Their Toilet Paper Delivered Far More Likely To Volunteer For The Greens

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

The ABS has today confirmed a direct correlation between households that have their toilet paper delivered with people who volunteer with The Australian Greens. 

The news, which comes as a shock to absolutely no one, is still helpful information for The Greens.

Former Greens leader Adam Bandt who is now the CEO of the Australian Conservation Foundation spoke to The Advocate about the correlation. 

“We’d never pass up the opportunity to door knock a home with a box of ‘Who Gives A Crap’ out the front that’s for sure.”“These are ethical shitters, they believe that corporate money can be used for good, they are our core demographic and they have volunteered a lot of time for the cause.”

“Unfortunately, we didn’t get the result we were hoping for earlier this year but it brings me great solace to know that Sarah Witty supporters are purchasing their toilet paper in-store, like capitalist scum,” he said.

The connection between having ethical TP delivered straight to your door and support for the Greens shows that for some, even the most seemingly inconsequential actions, like taking a shit, can still spark a conversation about ethics, morality and late stage capitalism. 

However, it might not all be good news for The Greens as the ABS data also suggested a small cohort of Melbourne households having their TP delivered were also open to volunteering for the Victorian Socialists thereby splintering support from The Greens. 

Political analysts will keep a close eye on these toilet based trends. 

More to come.