Victoria Bids Thee Farewell To Ye Olde Renaissance Community As Melbourne Wench Tests Positive

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Victorian Government has bid thee farewell to Melbourne’s thriving medieval reenactment community, as the chainmail enthusiasts are ordered to undertake a 12 day home isolation.

The SwordCraft medieval battle recreation event in Parkville has been listed as Tier 1 exposure site after a positive case attended on Friday last week.

It is believed the positive case was in fact a parched wench who had spent the day mingling with the jousters, in her search for a chivalrous lord and his noble steed.

Fears are now growing that she may have been drinking out of a communal chalice of meade.

The state government will reimpose lockdown restrictions from midnight tonight for seven days, with a specific focus on isolating ye olde renaissance community, according to Acting Premier James Merlino in a press conference earlier.

“Here ye, here ye” said Mr Merlino.

“My countrymen and women, stay put this eve”

“For what you do now, echoes in enternity”

“The rest of of us will only have to lockdown for 7 days,  but ye renaissance community, you must stay in your lair for two weeks”

“There are now 34 active cases of ye olde coronavirus in Victoria”