Unions To Boycott Productivity Round Table After Leaked Documents Show Chalmers Is Only Providing The Povo Non-Cream Arnotts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Federal Treasurer’s “Productivity Round Table” will be held in Canberra this week – with representatives from major industries, politics, business councils and trade unions all meeting from Tuesday to Thursday to discuss economic reform.

This is the Government’s lates attempt to slice through political divides with the goal of future-proofing the Australian economy from the very real and imminent risks.

With A.I panic pulsating through the community, and swathes of job losses on the horizon – and Australians still attempting to shake of the post-pandemic malaise caused by economically-battering COVID lockdowns and state-induced agoraphobia – there is much to discuss.

Treasurer Jim Chalmers says ‘nothing is off the table’ – as the two-day summit looks to map out ways for our country to make money outside of digging rocks out of the ground, educating Mainland Chinese heiresses, and speculating on the value of family homes.

But with so many traditionally hostile adversaries in one room, the Round Table needs to be managed and adjudicated very carefully.

Unfortunately, it looks like this historic summit is already off to a bad start – after leaked Treasury documents show that Jim Chalmers might have already bottled negotiations.

While all participants say that they are content with International Roast as the chosen brand of instant coffee, the Trade Union delegates are reportedly seething – after learning that the Treasurer has skimped on the biscuits.

An open letter, signed by multiple representatives of Australia’s union bosses, has accused the Government of setting them up to fail from the beginning – after opting to only provid the povo non-cream Arnotts biccies.

“We are here to discuss very important issues, such as artificial intelligence ravaging the Australian workforce, and the fact that it costs the average metropolitan worker close to 7 grand a year to commute through tolls” said one Union spokesperson.

“For Chalmers to think that we can do that without any Monte Carlos or Kingstons on hand is arrogant and childish”

It is believed that Chalmers is reportedly rushing to upgrade the catering, and a hope of luring the unions back to the table.

“I apologise” said the Treasurer.

“Without trying to sound antagonistic… I always thought Arrowroots were sufficient. But I’m ordering a bulk supply of assorted creams as we speak”

“I’m also going to be cancelling the Sumo Salad order for lunch. Pizzas are a much safer bet during discussions as tense as these look to be”