Sussan Lets Out An Exhausted Sigh As Another Respected Member Of Her Broadchurch Says He Thinks The Gays Are Pretending

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The Liberal Party’s identity crisis is escalating this week, as high-ranking Coalition figures warn the party against being seduced by the far-right populism that has hijacked conservative politics in American and the UK.

This lurch back towards climate change denialism and identity politics may very well have been triggered by several national opinion polls conducted over the past six weeks that indicate support for Pauline Hanson’s One Nation party is growing.

The latest Essential poll in September put One Nation’s primary vote at 13% which is nearly half of what the Coalition is polling at 27% – it’s also doubled since the Federal election.

One Nation took home two extra Senate seats in May, in turn doubling its upper house representation and leaving the Liberals with two less senators.

The Coalition’s decision to veer back towards right-wing populism is one that confuses voters, who actively voted against this brand of politics when they handed Labor 94 seats at ballot day.

However, with the party losing all of their high-ranking ‘moderate’ Liberals, there is no longer a voice of reason within the Opposition that is capable of dragging the party back to the centre.

But as the UK’s far-right ‘Reform’ party begins to outpoll their current government, the remaining MPs in the Liberal and National Party can’t help but think they need to be acting like Nigel Farage and Donald Trump.

This delicious conclusion completely ignores the fact that Great Britain does not have preferential voting, and that if Australia had the same ‘first-past-the-post’ electoral system as the UK then Clive Palmer would have been Prime Minister for three terms and the Liberals wouldn’t exist at all.

Meanwhile the in-fighting continues to get more personal, with at least six different factions of Liberal leadership at war with eachother. Senator Jacinta Nampijinpa Price also doesn’t seem to be getting on with anyone except the far-right media commentators that keep telling her she will be Prime Minister one day despite never being elected as a local member.

At the top of this burning binfire is the increasingly frustrated Sussan Ley who has to pretend that she values and respects these slack jawed mouthbreathers she was left with after Peter Dutton gutted the party’s suburban vote.

It’s a job that has her rubbing her temples and letting out guttural sighs of exhaustion almost every hour, most recently when yet another nameless local member visited her office to ask if she thinks the gays are putting it on, and that like, surely that voice they do isn’t real. Also, what’s the go with this shit he’s been reading on Facebook about fluoride?