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In case you didn’t know, the NSW Government are terrified that Sydney city has lost its groove after 3 years of lockdowns and nearly 10 years of fundamentalist Christian lock-out laws on pubs and clubs.
With hospitality owners and retailers suffering greatly through a post-pandemic slump, NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet has made moves to ‘bring Sydney back to life’ by allowing restaurants to provide outdoor dining like they do in literally every other city in the world.
On top of this, he’s championing a large array of ‘cultural events’ – like major horse-racing events and random street festivals that aren’t advertised and have no food trucks, liquor licenses or live music.
The Premier says this is key to giving Sydney enough of a vibe to make people forget that no one under the age of 50 owns any property and are paying similar rent to the upper-east-side of Manhattan while they listen to their 32 year old housemates have sex between zoom calls.
“Watch out everyone. Sydney is back” says Dominic Perrottet at a press conference today.
“Brisbane has the Olympics… Melbourne has the comedy festival…”
“But Sydney has the sterile high dining restaurant and retail precincts targeted at Mainland Chinese teenagers and downsizing North Shore boomers”
However, there are still a few hurdles preventing a rejuvenated cultural economy.
It’s not the heavily over-taxed schooners of beer coming in at $11 a glass, and it’s not the fact that the cops will literally shut down any venue playing music in the city after 9:30pm. It’s these so called ‘local characters’.
Sydney cultural icon, Danny Lim, was yesterday hospitalised with a suspected fractured skull after a “discontinued” arrest by New South Wales police officers in the Sydney CBD on Tuesday.
Known for the sandwich boards he is commonly seen wearing with cheeky slogans, Lim was walking through the Queen Victoria Building while wearing a sign when security told him to leave for offending the sensibilities of the elite shoppers.
Police were then called, resulting in the brutalisation of Danny at the hands of two roided up 20-something pigs.
Speaking to the media today, NSW Perrottet says it’s good to know the cops are onboard with the revitalisation of Sydney.
“I don’t think this does anything but improve culture!” said Perrottet.
“Less friendly old men smiling at the public… more laser-tag and mini put put!”
