CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After boldly revealing on social media that he was travelling via public transport to the Central Coast on New South Wales, Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced that he will be avoiding rail commutes from now on.
“I honestly didn’t think people like that existed,” said Malcolm Turnbull while rubbing his hands with anti-septic dry-wash provided by his staffers at the other end of his journey.
“Gosford is like Newcastle, just replace the steel industry with heroin,”
“And I’m not surprised by the fact that they don’t have any tourism. Someone get Lucy on the phone and let her know I’m safe. She was terrified about me doing this today,”
While visiting the town colloquially known as “Goeyford” to discuss the belated expansion of an outdated NBN, Turnbull has decided travelling by rail is no longer for him, despite how appealing it makes him in the polls.
“This place is fucked,” said Turnbull.
“After about six different people offering me class A’s, I almost said yes,”
“It would have been much more pleasant than having to avoid looking at the screaming kids and borderline domestic violence that surrounded me,”
Mr Turnbull says his experiences today have resulted in him having much more sympathy for the likes of Bronwyn Bishop.
“Mate if Geelong is anything like the shitholes that outskirt Sydney… then I do not blame her,”
“Imagine having to travel like this to work. Yuck!”
“I can see why Trump won, to be honest. If I had to look at this stuff each day I’d be voting for an apocalypse”.