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Though everyone is quick to blame those pesky millennials for everything, it’s alleged that the anxiety-riddled younger generation are taking the COVID-19 pandemic a lot more seriously than their parents, who from many reports appear to be flouting the rules and continuing their day to day activities since the Bondi-crowd-shaming of last month.
It appears that no amount of nagging or phone calls from concerned children can stop the boomers from enjoying their civil liberties, which for the most part seems to centre on daily trips to Coles or attending packed farmers’ markets.
However, in an effort to lure boomers back inside, executives at Channel 7 have offered a solution that although in its infancy, appears to already be working.
“I was saying it until I was blue in face” says local concerned cotton wool wrapped generation member, Chloe Simms (25)
“The same people who badger me every fucking winter about getting a flu jab are the ones walking along the beachfront during a global pandemic.”
“I thought to myself, how the hell can I make my parents stay at home? No amount of pleading or blackmail seems to work.”
“I can’t guilt them into staying inside, so how do I make being indoors a better option? Then it hit me – boomers love low rent wartime comedies”
Testing her hunch on her mother, Debbie, Chloe says she’s put on an episode of M*A*S*H and watched for her mum’s response.
She says that much to her pleasant surprise, Debbie had immediately started clapping her hands in glee and drooling, before launching into a nonstop running commentary of how M*A*S*H was set in the Korea War but was actually viewed as a metaphor for their Vietnam War.
“Oh look!” says Debbie.
“That character is wearing a dress but he’s a man! That is hilarious. They don’t make shows like this anymore do they?”
So successful is the boomer-bait, that Chloe has been in talk with both the Federal Government and Channel 7 – urging both parties to follow her model in keeping post-war Australians safe.
Channel 7 have since released a statement regarding their plans to play back-to-back episodes of M*A*S*H and Hogan’s Heroes until the pandemic is brought under control.
“There is a reason why literally no other program was played on Australian afternoon television for thirty years” said Channel 7.
“We obviously still own and pay for the rights of these weird shows… So kick of your Merrells and hit the couch for the next two months”
