Local isolating stadium bar operator, Gusty Spence (55), has today decided that in all of his wisdom – this coronavirus thing was never gonna be as bad as ‘they’ said it would.

This comes after Gusty did the maths and realised that it’s been two months since he began home isolating on JobKeeper, and guess what, he hasn’t died yet.

“Bit of a beat up I reckon” says the harsh critic of the Prime Minister, who has completely forgotten he voted for him last election.

“Morrison has really missed the mark here”

When asked if he’s been watching much news from overseas, and if reckons that over 80,000 civilians dying in crowded American hospital beds is rather alarming, Gusty says you can’t really believe everything you read in the officially graphs and spreadsheets created by esteemed international medical journals.

“I was reading this thing the other day, on Facebook somewhere, that Sweden has nailed it” he says.

“No JobKeeper, no masks. Just letting their people live life as usual without the media drumming up all of this drama”

Gusty then goes on to explain a rather complicated conspiracy that somehow links this international pandemic to the December bushfires, as well as speed rail and phone towers.

China is also mentioned quite a few times.

He’s quite confident that this theory is much more believable than COVID-19 being created the same way the last 40 pandemics were created by jumping from wildlife to humans in an uncontrolled environment.

“Like, if I’d known that ScoMo only wanted to be Prime Minister so he could ruin our economy, I wouldn’t have voted for him”


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