"Happy Friday, Lads," Says Stokes Returning To Table With Four Schooners On A Drinks Tray

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

England captain Ben Stokes has declared the start of the weekend while carefully returning to his table at the Noosa Surf Club carrying four schooners on a drinks tray.

Fresh off what teammates described as an epic week of prep for the must-win third Test, Stokes was seen navigating the arduous walk between the bar and the deck with the tray held at chest height, jaw clenched and eyes locked forward like a man crossing an arterial road in Ho Chi Minh City with a newborn, witnesses said.

“Happy Friday, lads,” Stokes reportedly said, landing the tray gently on the table like a seasoned Qantas pilot.

While the England squad were quick to celebrate what they felt was a hard-earned knock-off at the surf club, it later emerged that Stokes himself has not touched a drop, having not had a beer since January 2 and instead opting for a Heaps Normal that cost just as much as a real beer for some reason.

Punters at the surf club said they were disappointed that the England captain opted to use a drinks tray to transport four schooners instead of just carrying them in his hands; a skill most local teenagers are able to master before their 20th birthday.

"He’s a big unit, which begs the question why he asked for a tray,” said one regular, shaking his head.

"I saw Freddie Flintoff carry 8 schooners like he was holding two bowling balls. That's play on as far as I'm concerned."

Despite the controversy, England insiders say the lads have absolutely earned the beers and remain confident heading into the next Test.

The Australians are already in Adelaide this week with local boy Travis Head taking the team for a ride on the O-Bahn out to Tea Tree Plaza to go shopping today.

Stand-in Captain Steve Smith was reportedly extremely interested in the unique method of mass transit and kept asking the driver questions about it, who was getting progressively more annoyed with each one.

More to come.