Government Adds Over 50s To Social Media Ban In Effort To Quell Swelling One Nation Vote

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The government is starting to panic but not for who you'd expect.

Speaking today in Canberra, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Treasurer Jim Chalmers told media that they feared that the total capitulation of the Torries was very near and without appropriate measures, the Labor Party could govern indefinitely thanks to the Liberal's stubborn refusal to entertain a mega coalition of the nation's conservative parties.

"I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but, I think the Torries need saving," said Albanese.

"With One Nation potentially joining the Coalition, it sends a very clear message to upper middle class people that they either vote for Pauline Hanson or the Labor Party. I think that's a reality that a lot of well-adjusted, aspirational people across Australia are yet to fathom."

Chalmers echoed the Prime Minister's sentiments, and added that while he's much more economically-right than his boss, there's still some glaring issues with what's happening on the other side of the chamber.

"It's just not going to happen," he said.

In an effort to combat the swelling One Nation vote, as Australian abandon the Liberal/National coalition after a decade of disappointment, the Australian Government is introducing an amendment to the Online Safety Act (2021);

The Online Safety Amendment (Social Media Maximum Age) Bill 2026 proposes restricting Australians over 50 from using social media, citing habitual minion meme sharing, unprompted ALL CAPS outbursts and leaving unsolicited opinions on BRS memes created by Indonesian troll farms. Facebook would be classified as their primary habitat, penalties would be set at one strongly worded letter from their children and an independent review must be conducted every two years.

"It's for their own good," Chalmers added.

"These people deserve to spend the last decade or so of their life in peace. Not getting worked up about me putting rich people on bitch."

More to come.