Government Replaces $2bn Deloitte Consultancy Contract With ChatGPT Subscription

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Federal Government has confirmed this morning that it will replace a A$2bn consultancy contract with Deloitte by purchasing a single ChatGPT subscription for A$34 per month.

The decision follows revelations that Deloitte reports commissioned by federal government agencies contained dozens of errors, including references to non existent legislation and imaginary academics. Those issues were detailed in documents tendered through freedom of information requests from lesser newspapers down south.

Officials say the new chatbot has already demonstrated the same capability by confidently citing several unfamiliar pieces of legislation during internal testing.

These included the Public Sector Poo Eating Act 2011, the Commonwealth Mandatory Wellness Handjob Framework 2003 and a lengthy quote from Judge Judy Sheindlin, better known as Judge Judy.

A senior departmental adviser said the shift was motivated by value for money. The adviser said the chatbot produces the same volume of clear, watery, literary pre-cum as a multinational consultancy but at a tiny fraction of the cost.

Acting-Prime Minister David Littleproud said the savings would be diverted towards something more strategically important such as the proposed acquisition of a couple second hand, high-kilometre, B2 stealth bombers from the United States. The prime minister said the aircraft were needed in case New Zealand gets too big for its boots or there is a coup in Fiji and we needed to flatten a suburb of Suva for any reason.

A spokesperson for the Department of Government Spending said Australians should not worry about the accuracy of future reports. They said the public service has years of experience correcting the mistakes of external consultants and will simply do the same with the chatbot.

The spokesperson said the transition would be seamless and that ChatGPT has already given instructions on what capital offences Deloitte executives may have committed and how to run the perfect kangaroo court in which condemning them to death could be spun as a net positive for the taxpayer.

More to come.