Gold Coast Council Begin Adding Protein To City's Air

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Our state's cultural coalface is on the cutting edge this week after the Gold Coast City Council voted to add protein to the local air.

Protein is already in the city's drinking water, replacing fluoride in 2009, making these recent developments further evidence that the Gold Coast is not only a surfing paradise, but a bodybuilder's too.

The vote passed unanimously, with no submissions made against it.

Now the council faces the difficult problem of how to get protein into the air around town.

"It will certainly be a challenge, but as everyone with big muscles can attest, nothing that's easy or comfortable is worth doing," said a spokesperson from the Mayor's office.

"So we are prepared for the scientific challenge of inserting protein into whatever air is. A bit of nitrogen, oxygen, some other stuff. Carbon dioxide even. There's water in there, too, maybe some hydrogen. As you can see, there's lots of nooks and crannies in air where we could be stuffing the protein."

"We're excited for the next few years, anyway."

Academics from nearby Bond University, where you go if you're very clever and on scholarship or have very rich parents who have to brute-force their deadshit children into having tertiary qualifications from a reputable university using vast sums of money, have cast doubt on whether the council will be able to achieve what they've set out to do.

"It's just not possible," said one academic.

"But that's not what Queensland was built on, so good luck to them."

More to come.