TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
While doing The Advocate's notoriously difficult Saturday crossword in his palace above the clouds, the Heavenly Father, God, has once again been interrupted by a petulant heathen.
From a lit up speaker marked ‘Wagga Wagga, Australia’, a young girl’s voice could be heard saying “Dear God, if you are real.. Please can you make Ailsa break her leg and not be able to run in the athletics carnival tomorrow.”
“For Pete’s sake, Claire! Enough with the ultimatum prayers” he huffed.
Speaking via a direct holy line, God told The Advocate that this is not the first time Claire, and many others like Claire, have asked him to prove his existence.
“I can’t believe after all these years people still doubt me”
“Are the floods and plagues I send down not proof enough?”
“Or the pandemic? Fauci copped the blame for that but it was definitely my doing” he said sounding uncannily similar to Morgan Freeman.
“I mean who else could create a pangolin in the first place?”
When asked why he doesn’t answer more prayers, God was quick to jump to the defensive, insisting that he is the divine intervener many people believe him to be.
“How else do you think Epstein’s list ‘vanished’?”
“Speaking of, the Whitehouse line has just lit up. If you’ll excuse me, this could be confidential.”
More to come.
