Funemployed Guy Considering Not So Fun Clinical Trial

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

A recent university graduate has vowed to make this summer the best one yet. 

Instead of looking for arts graduates jobs, which don’t really exist anymore, local man Adam Hughes has forged an alternative path, unemployment. 

Colloquially known in Australia as funemployment, the act of not having a job can actually be really fun for a short period of time. 

Unemployment releases you from societal shackles and allows you to indulge in some of life's pleasantries such as sleeping in and drinking an unhealthy amount of alcohol in a public park with your friends when they finish working at their jobs. 

After a few weeks of living his absolute best life, Hughes had a terrible yet profound realisation, things are actually quite expensive.

Despite living in a run down, six person sharehouse in West Brunswick, obtaining the  bulk of his groceries through theft and his parents reluctantly covering the cost of his phone bill and streaming services, Hughes was still struggling to live off JobSeeker. 

Fortunately for Hughes, Melbourne is full of grifters, swindlers and bamboozlers of the system and information about how to thrive without a job is abundant. 

The Advocate spoke with long time unemployed man and friend of Hughes Mitch Dunkley about his alternative lifestyle. 

“Two words bro, clinical … trials,” he said smugly. 

“I haven’t had a job since I was fifteen and I’ve been to Japan eleven times for the snow season. Once every six months I take part in a clinical trial where I trial some cool new experimental drug.”

“You just have to chill in a hospital bed surrounded by backpackers, it’s kind of like staying in a hostel minus all the medical intervention but they’ve got an XBOX!”

Hughes was in awe of Dunkley’s lawless attitude and laid back lifestyle and couldn’t wait to participate in a clinical trial himself, though he had some reservations. 

“I’ve heard there’s like a one in a million chance that you could have some sort of horrible reaction to the drug but honestly for 5K for 3 nights I like those odds.”

More to come.