"Fucking Victorians" Says Local Man After Being Mildly Inconvenienced By Car With VIC Plates

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man has found himself dealing with Victorian-Rules Driving (VRD) over the weekend, which led him to utter one of the more common phrases spat by drivers all over Queensland.

"Ah, typical fucken Victorians," said Phil Chegwyn, a grader driver with the Betoota Shire Council and renowned hot head.

"Bet the cunce [sic] not had his car inspected for years too, the cunt," he said, while his knuckles whitened on the steering wheel.

"Bet he's driving around on 10-year-old tyres. Why doesn't he fuck off back to Victoria? What a wanker."

The absence of Chegwyn's wife, Frisbee, meant that a somewhat quiet and personal instance of road rage was in great danger of boiling over to the point where Phil was likely to either be bashed by a 22-year-old VFL prodigy or arrested by a policeman who he knows on a first-name basis.

Unfortunately for Phil, today's scenario wound up being the latter.

He fished through the centre console looking for something to throw out the passenger window of his bottle green 2002 Subaru Forester at the Victorian, as he struggled to overtake him at the next downhill section.

While negotiating the Bulloo Development Bypass Road at speeds approaching 90 kph, Phil was able to fish the flat 6V battery out of his Dolphin torch and get it ready to throw.

At the next downhill section, he pulled up alongside the hapless Victorian and threw the battery sidearm-style, scoring a direct hit on the car's door handle, where it bounced harmlessly to the road surface and exploded. In the violence of the side-arm chuck, similar to the one that dismissed Cam Green over the weekend, Phil lost control of his bottle green Forester and he and it left the road.

The car dug into the soft table drain and flipped end over end twice, with Phil's lifeless body being ejected into some pulled gidgee while the car kept on tumbling gently on through the maze of felled acacia. Passing motorists stopped to find Phil breathing and covered in the 2L bottle of strawberry milk that was between his legs.

Cementing his opinion of Victorian motorists later in hospital, he says they failed to stop, even after he threw a torch battery at them.

Queensland Police say they are investigating the circumstances that led to Phil almost dying in a table drain this week but have yet to conclude it.

More to come.