Finance Pig Chokes Up Talking About His Salad Days In Pre-GFC London

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Local corporate advisor David Morton has once again taken the long way round to answering a simple question about “what were you doing back then?”, launching into a vivid recount of his years in pre-GFC London.

Standing in a friend’s kitchen in Betoota Grove last night, Morton reportedly grew misty-eyed as he spoke about “the best years of his life”.

The period between 2003 and 2008 when he lived in a one-bedroom flat in Bloomsbury and worked a junior equities role in the City.

“Mate, you don’t understand,” he said, gazing out the window as if he could still see St Paul’s.

“We were on 150 grand base, pounds that is, plus bonus. I clear four-hundred-thousand-pounds in 2006. And every Thursday you’d finish at the Old Bell, sink ten pints of whatever, do the most unbelievable, earth-shattering cocaine in the manager’s office that would let you have another ten no problems, and still be at your desk by 7am the next day. That was just life. We drank on Thursdays because the older boys had families and needed to be fresh on the weekend for the kids. But us juniors did three days on the piss, four days off. It was glorious.”

Morton’s monologue reportedly covered the full spectrum of Square Mile nightlife, including tales of lobster linguine at Scott’s in Mayfair, Black AmEx-fuelled dinners at Zuma in Knightsbridge and the kind of cocaine he insists “young people can’t even begin to fathom”.

“We’d start in the city then end up going where the night would take us. Sometimes, to Gordon’s Wine Bar, others would finish at some unspeakable hour in Fabric,” he said.

“You’d fall asleep in a minicab, wake up outside your flat on Great Russell Street, and the bloody porter would be shaking his head at you. The pints, the laughs, the girls. Christ, what a time.”

Friends confirm Morton often cites specific nights, like the time he “bumped into half the Goldman ECM desk at the Lamb & Flag” or the week his team spent their entire bonus at Claridge’s before stumbling across to Mahiki to “throw flaming zombies down like water.”

“He goes on about it like he’s describing Woodstock,” said one mate.

“But it’s just him and a bunch of other blokes doing rails in the toilets at All Bar One.”

Morton insists London lost its soul after the GFC, claiming the era he misses will never return.

“There’s too many rules now. These kids today with their compliance modules and hybrid work-from-home don’t get it,” he said.

“We weren’t in it for the spreadsheets. We lived and breathed the industry. We are all poorer for it.”

More to come.