Fifth-Grade Club Cricketer Laughs As Captain Suggests They Start Pre-Season Training Next Week

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“He’s a bit keen, isn’t he?” wrote Sam Perkins to the Dugong’s fifth-grade WhatsApp group.

Everyone’s in it except for the captain, Tex Taylor, who doesn’t even know it exists.

There’s an official one that he’s group admin of but it’s seldom used for anything other than official team business.

The latter of which sprang to life this morning.

A group training has been set for next week.

“Yeah, I know, right?” said another teammate.

“It’s too cold to be taking catches before work. My fingers will damn near snap off!”

The group agreed.

“I reckon a net session would kill me if I did one now. I’d pull up stiffer than a boogie board the next morning and I’m not about that noise in July, boys. Don’t know about you,” replied Sam.

Tex Taylor has been the fifth-grade captain for a number of years and for a bloke that calls himself an all-rounder, he’s deeply lacking in both aspects of his game.

But talk to any local park cricketer and they’ll tell you that doesn’t matter.

They’ll tell you that Tex loves the game, perhaps too much, to captain a team of general fuck-ups and latent perverts which some in the community refer to as the fifth-grade Dugongs team.

“So who’s going to tell him?” said Sam.

That message sat dormant until it received the double blue tick of shame.

At the time of print, it seemed nobody was going to let Tex know that nobody was keen to take the frost of Betoota Heights Oval 3 on Tuesday morning next week.

More to come.