Fat Gen X Wanker Selects His Most Cringe Sneakers For Tomorrow’s Annual Walk Of Yankee Cultural Imperialism

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local father of school age children is preparing himself for tomorrow’s walk through the neighbourhood, where he is girt by his fellow, overweight, Gen X wankers.

It’s Halloween tomorrow night and homes across our cosmopolitan desert community are choosing to take part in this worthless charade of yankee cultural imperialism for reasons that escape all of them.

French Quarter man Shaun Derney, who is rarely seen without a black t-shirt, black jeans and a lairy pair of sneakers, confirmed with The Advocate that he would be wearing said outfit tomorrow night with a some canary yellow sandshoes on his size eight feet.

“What’s this got to do with anything, if you must know, I’m wearing my yellow Nike TNs,” said the 50-year-old wanker.

“Halloween? Yeah, we’re doing it. Our whole street is doing it. Well, except for the childless Millennials who’ve left a charming ‘FUCK OFF’ note on their door. We didn’t expect them to take part, because they are renters, they’ll be priced out soon. Also, the old guy at the end of the street. He’s an arsehole and always has been. He opposed my renovations,”

“Halloween is just a bit of fun for the kids. Sure, it’s American, but so are we. What do you want us to do otherwise? Chinese New Year? Yeah fuck that. It’s not just bald agency people in the French Quarter who do Halloween, too. Poor people in Betoota Heights do it, they just don’t hand out Tony’s Chocolonely eggs like we all do. Actually, Errol, you might actually like to take part this year. Are you still living in that all-male boarding house? We will stop by.”

The Advocate spoke to countless other bald and overweight Gen X property owners and none of them had anything worthwhile to add to this story.

More to come.