Family Glad Youngest Kid Finally Out Of Daycare And Into Elite Private School So They Can Start Saving

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights family is celebrating this week as their youngest child is finally about to start transition at a local elite private school, ending a period of financial tyranny at the hands of daycare providers.

The Clane family of Robertson Circuit will finally be able to start saving again now their youngest, Frankie, is going to the Whooton School's preparatory school from next week.

Since 2021, Sally and Clarryd Clane have been forking out over $1500 a fortnight for childcare. An expense the both of them say has been a heavy burden.

"It's been a slog, it really has," said Clarryd.

"And for what? Sally has worked for four years to pretty much give her entire paycheque to Little Schitz Academy and I've been giving mine to the cunce at the Commonwealth Bank. Sorry, can I swear in your newspaper?"

"But Frankie's orientation and induction at Whooton begins tomorrow. How's that? I never thought I'd have a kid at Whooton, growing up like I did, when we used to punch fuck out of them and frisbee their gay little boater hats in the river. We used to drag them around by their ties like fat little dogs. It was hilarious."

"But looking at public schools now, they're just full of kids from fucked homes with junkie parents that don't give a fuck. If I could afford to send my kids to daycare, I can afford Whooton. Anything is cheaper than daycare."

Sally echoed some of her husband's sentiments and apologised for the crude remarks regarding the children of local drug users, but explained that it is un-Australian not to help your kids as much as you can.

"I figured, we're in for a penny, in for a pound," she said.

"Whooton might not be a, you know, flash exclusive private school like one in Toowoomba like Downlands or Glennie, but for Betoota, it's as good as it gets. And I think being around kids that yes, are for the most part, little cunce, at least, you know, they're typically more motivated to learn. Fuck, I can't believe I said that. I mean, you know, they're richer and have richer friends and the like. And that, you know, the bare minimum for a doctor's kid is to grow up to be a doctor. Like, you have a massive privilege in life, you might as well do something that helps people, besides being like some cunt in a suit in town selling shares for some cunt."

"Like, we'd send our kids to the state school but it's full of disruptive kids that, you know, would rather be on their e-bikes baiting cops or smoking cones in a park. The teachers too, they're often so burnt out and fucked, when they do get a good kid, they can't help them. It's crook. Anyway, just my two cents. Public schools are fucked."

When asked if the government should cut funding from private schools, the aspirational couple scoffed.

"We pay tax, too," they said.

"So why shouldn't some of our tax go to our kids' education? Successful people pay a fuckload of tax in this country while the methheads and bongo slappers pay nothing. We're already paying for Poncho and Banjo's little bastards' hospital bills when they have rubella or measles or some other fucken preventable disease. Why the cunt should we have to pay for their education, too?"

"Typical Leftoota rubbish."

More to come.