TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
Matriarch of the Livingstone family, Louise, has blown the family buccina in their group chat this evening with a call to arms to attend an upcoming family reunion organised by a distant second cousin once removed who’s really into family trees.
“I expect u all to b there [stern finger emoji][love heart emoji][tongue out emoji]” she wrote.
“Who else is going? Which cousins?” fired back Simon, the middle son of the Betoota Sounds Livingstone clan – who, at the last reunion, blacked out and started calling everyone ‘my bruva’.
“Is Jen going?” Added Annie, the youngest sister. “I wonder if she’s still dating that freak. Remember what he said at Christmas? About the simulation and how rainbows haven’t been the same since the ‘server upgrade’”
It was at this moment that the eldest sibling, Sarah, stepped in as the responsible decider with one important condition.
“We will go,” she ruled. “But only if everyone in here channels Great Uncle Norman in the war and collects as much goss as humanly possible.”
She then announced a $50 prize for whoever brings home the most salacious intel, a reward generously funded by the family’s unofficial petty-cash system: dad’s cash drawer.
While everyone in the chat agreed to the terms, one member of the Livingstone family was conspicuously quiet: the father, Ron. It’s since been confirmed that Ron was trying to contribute but accidentally opened a phishing email and lost control of his iPad to a Russian hacker.
More to come.
