Even These Hardened Bush Footy Boys Think ‘Toxic’ By Britney Spears Is A Fucking Track

| Editor-at-large | Contact

EVEN THOUGH HE JUST RECEIVED a life ban from every licensed establishment in Quilpie, bar Billy’s Nyngan-style Chinese Eatery, Matthew Lilac says he has no regrets.

His auburn-haired partner in crime, Myles Penile, doesn’t have any either.

Despite being amongst the most feared private school boarders in the greater Betoota region, the pair both agree that ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears is a fucking track – and they’re not ashamed to admit it.

The centre-pairing from the Betoota Rugby Union Football Club, known locally as the Betoota BMWs, are a force to be reckoned with on and off the field, as they cared to explain to The Advocate this morning.

“I once hit a bloke in the forehead so hard, it broke my hand,” explained Penile. “But I still played the rest of the season because I didn’t want to let the team down.”

Lilac was a bit more blunt, stating categorically that if one doesn’t like Toxic and doing ‘shoeys’ after a win should take a long cold bath.

“Anyone who thinks Toxic isn’t a track better keep away from me, otherwise you might get some stitches in your face!” shouted Lilac.

“Just fucking listen to the lyrics, cunt. It’s catchy as hell, too. It does things to me.”