Just after the Prime Minister had finally managed to discipline his electoral neighbour, Craig Kelly, for hysterically spreading medical misinformation at odds with the Government’s imminent vaccine roll-out – it seems another unhinged backbencher has popped up to support the conspiracist MP.

George Christensen, the Member For Dawson, and a similarly underqualified and out-of-shape angry white man, has rushed in to defend Kelly from the backlash he is facing from ‘the left’ for simply having ‘another opinion’ regarding the treatment of this virus that he frequently suggests is just a hoax.

Nicknamed, the ‘tighthead props’ for the husky builds and limited contribution to anything, the dribble rung out of the mouths and keyboards of these two Coalition MPs also caused insurmountable personal for the Prime Minister’s predecessor, Malcolm Turnbull.

Morrison, who was once upon a time considered the hooker to this front row of factional populism, has this week had discovered that in the eyes of his most underwhelming colleagues – he may as well be a left-wing toff from Point Piper, after facing blowback for asking the slightest form of cooperation from these deranged bogans.

Today, with a mouthful of humble pie, Morrison has had to call Turnbull and ask if he has any pointers on how to deal with the two men arguably responsible for his ousting.

“Hahaha Scott! I thought this day would come” chuckled a vindicated Turnbull, after getting the run down.

“Oh I don’t mean to laugh at your suffering, but I guess now you can see that the disconnect between me and the backbench wasn’t due to my love of theatre and art”

“These men are neckless, mouth-breathing cunts”

“They’d fuck up a cup of coffee if someone was desperate enough to ask them for help”

Morrison sighs.

“Yes. Malcolm, but it’s a bit different this time”

“You were trying to get their support to close down coal mines and allow gays into churches. I’m trying to ensure that our elderly don’t die alone of respiratory illnesses.”

“I feel like my political gridlock is a little more in the national interest”

“Anyway, any tips?”

It takes every inch of Turnbull’s moral fibre to not hang up the phone after the petty jabs at his legacy. He continues through gritted teeth.

“Just tell them that you ‘had a meeting with the AFP about you-know-what’ – you don’t need to have a you-know-what, because there is definitely a you-know-what”

“The fat bachelor will sit bolt upright and do whatever you tell him, Craig Kelly will ask you if you are wearing a wire and fade back into the furniture”

“…That should work a treat”

“…Now this is the last time I’ll be talking to you until Lucy receives her Order of Chivalry.

“Good luck to you Scott”


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