England Proves They Can Still Get Pumped Without Even Facing South Americans Or Europeans

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British sports fans were initally excited for the chance to achieve a few podium finishes in this year's Commonwealth Games - without most of the Olympic heavy hitters attending.

"We don't think we will end up beating Canada or Australia, but it's great having a serious chance at 3rd on the medal table" said Gareth Hinchley (40).

"Every four years we spend two weeks getting reminded just how good the rest of the world is at sport. It's nice to finally compete in a tournament where half of them aren't invited"

The Portsmouth electrician admitted he was confident England could enjoy one of its strongest international sporting campaigns in years.

"We're usually losing to South Americans and Europeans in the world cup, Eastern Europeans in Tennis, Americans in athletics and Chinese in gymnastics, luckily none of them are here"

Billions across the former British empire are preparing for the half hearted enthusiasm and low to moderate enthusiasm that only the Commonwealth can bring.

"Oh yeah, I always forget the Commonwealth Games are still a thing," said Sarah in Hobart.

"Wait, they're still doing that?" asked Abdullah in Kuala Lumpur.

"When does it start?" wondered Mustafa in Nigeria.

"Yeah I guess I'll watch some of it" said Anthony in Jamaica.

However, with Australians now doubling the England medal tally, the poms are also losing enthusiasm.

"I knew we'd be third or lower... But I didn't think it'd be this much of a blow out" says Essex fish and chip shop owner, Garvey Thistlethropp.

"This was supposed to be the consolation tournament after the world cup campaign... But it's starting to feel like salt in the wounds"