“I drink Tooheys Extra Dry because I enjoy disrespecting myself and bringing great shame upon my entire family”

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The Advocate spoke to the last Tooheys Extra Dry drinker in town this morning to ask him why he does what he does, despite the limp-handshake-lager falling out of vogue some ten years ago.

“It’s not that I like the taste or the reasonable price,” said Damien, a local bank person.

“I drink Tooheys Extra Dry [TED] because I get a real kick out of disrespecting myself and embarrassing my family. Don’t ask me why, but I get all giddy and funny in the head whenever I order one down the pub. The barmaid even looks me up and down and recoils a bit,”

“I get off on that. Don’t kink-shame me, bro.” he explained, unfortunately.

Betoota Hotel manager Jack Conwell said he still orders a case of it atop the first pallet of the month that comes up from Dan Murphy’s in Toowoomba just for Damien, who asked to remain somewhat anonymous.

However, he refused to speak on the matter any further, saying he’s already an enabler and he’s not exactly proud of that either.

“He grunts and ‘shimonas’ like Michael Jackson each time he takes a sip. It’s pretty full on, but his money is as plastic as everybody else’s,” he said.

“But yeah, sometimes he spits it on himself and writhes around in his chair. Fucking TED drinkers, man. Strange fish.”

More to come.

However, if you’re looking for a fine cold beer this summer, look no further than Betoota Bitter. Thought most bottleshops stock it locally, we’re working on getting it around the country from early next year. Currently, it is available from BoozeBud, who will deliver it to any address in the country. More information can be found here: https://www.boozebud.com/p/betootabitter/bitter