Disused Machete Bin Wins Labor Preselection In Mildura

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A time-worn relic from a bygone policy era has won Labor preselection for the state seat of Mildura, setting the stage for what will be one of the most-watched election battles at the upcoming Victorian state election.

The purple machete bin will take on the likes of incumbent Nationals MP Jade Benham, some One Nation guy who lives over the river in NSW but is forced to suffer the indignity of relying on the Victorian Government for services, and popular local independent Ali Cupper.

It's understood by The Advocate that the bin is currently a very outside chance to win the seat, with the Nationals and the independents looking to raft up and keep the guy from NSW in NSW.

The bin has announced they will be running a campaign based entirely on local issues, such as forcing the Sando to trade 24 hours a day, building the district's second Guzman y Gomez at Ouyen, replacing the Abbotsford Bridge between Yelta and Curlwaa with nothing, securing a UNESCO World Heritage listing for the Aqua Coaster on Orange Avenue, the development of the Deakin Avenue Light Rail and pedestrian mall, rebuilding the World's Longest Bar at the Mildura Working Man's Club and making Albo pay for it, reopening the Mildura tip so rubbish can freely blow into the golf club again as the original course architects intended, the annexation of Gol Gol and Trentham Cliffs (including the compulsory acquisition and nationalisation of Trentham Waters Resort, which is to be turned into a Soviet-style holiday park for Victorian public servants), claiming the Murray River between Locks 10 and 12 by force from NSW, and restarting passenger train services to Merbein and Merbein only.

Speaking to The Advocate today, the bin said the government hopes to pick up the seat by focusing on what locals want.

"We have listened to the community, and our policy ideas reflect that," said the bin.

"Should the Deakin Avenue Light Rail prove to be popular, we could extend it out to Merbein. We've had some initial conversations with the Minns Government, which is also open to funding an extension to Wentworth, terminating at Pooncarie.

"Another policy we have is to force Bonza to start the Sunshine Coast flights again. They don't have to be in a big Boeing, either. We'd be happy with a Saab 340."

The Victorian state election will be held on Saturday, 28 November 2026.

More to come.