"Damn, If Only There Was A Way To Offset The Horrible Damage This War Is Doing To The Economy That's Not Removing CGT Discounts, Taxing Mulitnationals And Billionaires Fairly"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Treasurer Jim Chalmers has spent the morning thinking in his office.

He's trying to come up with some creative new ways to offset the estimated $17bn hole this third instalment in the Gulf War Trilogy is set to tear. It's not easy.

There's a few ways the government could offset the damage but there is the risk that whipping the omnishrinking middle-class but removing certain capital gains tax concessions would make him unpopular. However, it is unlikely his cross-chamber rival Tim Wilson, who is a man with a spoon in a world of noodles, would offer anything else of note.

Jim pinches the bridge of his nose and breathes in. Think Jimmy boy, he thinks.

There's politically popular ideas that come to mind. Maybe he could tax some of the multinationals that harvest and sell our natural resources next to nothing. Maybe we could do that. You know, like a mining tax but not as hectic as Kevin's one. A modest one that's fair. We could call it a temporary resource refund adjustment? I'll get the department to do some modelling on that.

Then, I guess there's asking people like Iron Ore Tiddalik, the richest person in Australia, maybe we could just ask her to pay a royalty? Not heaps, but something. We're only trying to save $17bn here. That's not even a conning tower on these new submarines we're getting. High Rise Harry is actually pretty generous, so are the Canva people. They just don't toot their horn about it. The Atlassian guys, whatever the fuck Jira is, could probably pay more tax, I guess. But Mike [Cannon-Brooks] always looks like he's spent the night at Matthew Talbot. He should throw them a lazy hundo, actually. But yeah, going after Ore Chungus might seem targeted and unfair but she fucken hates me anyway so what's the loss?

So much to think about, Jim.

More to come.