Cyclist Attempting To Balance Until The Lights Turn Green Not Impressing Anyone

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Winding the passenger window down in his early 2000s Hilux, Conor Beattie leered across the bench seat and gave a local cyclist a good spray.

“Just put ya hoof down, you clip-clopping wanker!” he yelled.

“And buy a car, fuck face!”

And with that, Conor was off in a plume of rich blue exhaust fumes.

The polite, happy-go-lucky cyclist on the receiving end of Mr Beattie’s triad was Edward Lloyd.

Lloyd owns a small collection of $400 suits and works at Bell Potter Betoota, the McDonalds of private wealth management – and that’s about it. He also owns a very expensive bicycle that he uses to commute from his boutique Old City district apartment to the converted French Quarter townhouse where he works.

But that’s not all.

The 29-year-old financier is rumoured to be single-handedly keeping the local Patagonia shop open in Betoota Heights. On the weekends, there’s not a bike trail or hiking path safe from his Instagram followers.

He spoke to The Advocate this morning about his first and only love – cycling.

“The reason why I try to balance at the lights is because I wear clip-ons,” he said, athletically.

“I get yelled at a lot, though. Once at the lights, I couldn’t keep my balance so I put my hand on the boot of this Falcon in front of me. The man inside didn’t like that and he got out to confront me – and confront me he did, with a length of reo bar!”

“He tried to wrap it around my head, telling me to ‘pay fucking rego’ and ‘get in the bike land’ which are both controversial ideas for a planet saver such as myself. Oh well, I guess!”

Our reporter then paid for the flat white and macchiato and left Pisse Dans Ma Poche without saying goodbye.

More to come.