Conservative Voters Teach Albo A Lesson By Destroying His Only Realistic Opponent

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

South Australian conservatives have sent a powerful message to the Albanese Government this weekend, by annihilating the only political party capable of removing it from office.

In what is being described as a devastating rebuke of Labor's agenda on immigration, cost of living and energy policy, right-leaning voters across the state turned out in record numbers to reduce the Liberal Party to drops off piss on Angus Taylor's moleskins.

"Anthony Albanese needs to understand that everyday Australians are fed up," explained Gawler retiree and newly-minted One Nation voter Rod Hassall, who successfully helped deliver Labor its largest ever majority in South Australian history.

"This is a wake-up call."

The Premier, who now commands a one-party system that would make Kim Jong-Un's pepperoni slice nipples stand on end like rough cut diamonds, is understood to be deeply rattled by the result.

"I think this really does send a message," said Premier Peter Malinauskas.

"Not a loud and clear one, though."

One Nation leader Pauline Hanson declared the result a "springboard" for the party's federal ambitions, noting that the strategy of splitting the conservative vote three ways while Labor preferences flow at 88 per cent was exactly the kind of bold thinking that would keep Anthony Albanese up at night.

"We've left landmines everywhere," Senator Hanson told supporters.

"Ones that not even Princess Diana could find and defuse."

Federal Opposition Leader Angus Taylor, who took over the Liberal leadership five weeks ago after the party's second coalition split in eight months, said the result was "not a reflection" of the federal party's direction.

"South Australia has always been its own beast," said Taylor.

"But as the rest of us know, they are pretty fucked in the head for a myriad of reasons. I don't think we need to worry about One Nation. They are pretty much the simple rural cousin of the inner city blue-haired greenie. Doing a preference deal with One Nation? Sorry, I'm a Howardist Menzite. I'm not about to destroy the soul of the Liberal Party. I'm not going to sully my own reputation. I mean, Fonterra would just be a footnote in my biography if I killed conservatism in Australia. But I might become Prime Minister?"

The Liberal Party is expected to begin a period of deep soul-searching, which insiders say will involve the same three factions blaming each other for the same structural problems they have been ignoring since 2018, before settling on a new leader who combines the worst qualities of all three.

More to come.