CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Australian kids have had their childhoods returned to them, as the Federal Government becomes the first in the world to pushback against the multi-billion dollar global social media platforms.
Millions of children and teenagers have lost access to their addictive online accounts overnight, as the government fulfill their election promise to protect our kids from the perils of online bullying, predators and brain rot.
Even with the giant tech platforms launching a highly complex soft power counterattack against this historic under-16s ban, it appears the ban is here to stay, and the attention spans of young people will no longer be commercialised by the dangerous algorithms that have caused so much damage to social cohesion over the last decade.
As many community members would notice, today represents a new dawn, as an entire generation is given permission to go outside and live their lives.
One local senior says he was beaming with patriotic pride after seeing the streets bustling with free-range kids this afternoon.
"I'm seeing frisbees and scooters and footballs flying everywhere" says retired former locksmith, Don Lane (74).
"I'm hearing sparkler bombs go off. I'm smelling burning wheelie bins. It's a real joy to be apart of"
However, there was one major change to the neighbourhood that nearly brought brought Don to tears today.
"I woke up at the crack of dawn to have a cup of coffee and read the paper" he said.
"And the first thing I noticed was that was 34 metres missing from my garden hose"
With the bans only being implemented overnight, Don says it didn't take the local teenagers too long to reacquaint themselves with this lost art.
"I haven't seen anything like this since my own kids moved out of home in the late 2000s." he says.
"It used to frustrate me, ya know, always having to buy new hoses... But it was one of those things where you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone"
Don smiles as he stares at the remaining 5 inches on his ravaged garden hose.
"I just hope they are doing it right" he says.
"On a comfy couch with a bag of twisties and some Led Zeppelin"
"Lord knows they deserve it after the frantic and anxious childhoods they've had. It's time for them to slow it down and open their minds"
He sniffles, and wipes his eyes.
"Blaze that shit up, kids." he says.
"Blaze that shit right the fuck up"
