Coalition Discovers An Underground Cave System Of Immeasurable Depths Below Rock Bottom

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Overnight the Federal Coalition has discovered that there is actually a vast expanse of darkness that exists underneath the once-thought to be impenetrable bedrock of Australia.

The Federal Opposition, despite their hatred of science and the earth, are now sitting upright and paying attention to these new findings - as it is will be them that has to explore the depths of this terrifying void.

This comes as the Coalition splits for the second time in less than a year after the entire Nationals frontbench, including their leader David Littleproud, quit Sussan Ley's shadow ministry.

It is believed this division was caused by internal disagreements over their support for Labor's new hate speech laws - that were only rushed through Parliament this week because the Federal Opposition was demanding them.

Littleproud has confirmed he has broken from the Coalition and says "The National Party is our own sovereign party. Sussan Ley cannot force us to vote one way or another"

Littleproud has very little to say when asked what the future looks like for the Coalition, but did suggest that the Nationals will now "move on" and let the Liberals "work out who they are" - which doesn't really make that much sense given the fact that half the National Party joined the majority of the Liberals in voting for these laws.

It seems those who thought that two consecutive Teal Waves were rock bottom for the Coalition, or that Albanese's 94-seat landslide majority election might've been as bad as it got - were gravely mistaken.

It seems that there is much greater depths than rock bottom, and the Federal Opposition remains committed to fracking the fuck out of it.

Things are so bad that Pauline Hanson and Barnaby Joyce's rag tag collection of rednecks are now emerging as the more electable party on the right-wing. And given the fact that Albanese was able to destroy a 100-year-old conservative institution by forcing them to debate laws that they demanded, it doesn't look like One Nation will be much trouble for him moving forward.

Right around Australia today, voters are now coming to terms with the complete lack of inevitability that traditionally exists in Federal politics, and getting used to the idea that the government may no longer have an Opposition.

On top of that, it appears that the Coalition can still go much, much lower than disbanding twice in 6 months.