Classmate's Uncle's Fading Stash Of Skin Mags Surpasses Gold As Australia's Most Valuable Commodity

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

The long lost second-hand market for blue magazines has been resurrected in Australia overnight.

This comes after the new ruling that Australians must prove they are over 18, and register for an official account, before they can access online adult content.

The changes are aimed at banning kids from such content, with platforms set to face hefty fines for breaches from Australia's online safety regulator.

Over-18s are now likely to be restricted from such content as well, given that nobody with any stake in society will be willing to put their name and license into an online pornography platform that could just as easily be hacked, exposing their deepest and most unconventional desires to the world.

These new laws have seen a resurgence in the once bountiful variety of sealed magazines on offer at local newsagents, who have been reduced to surviving off scratchies and lotto tickets in the years since pornography became available for streaming online.

However, there is simply not enough new magazines to go around - with shopkeepers around the country rushing to order more for their growing customer base of Australian men currently going through porno withdrawals.

As of this morning, the most valuable commodity in Australia is the fading pile of skin magazines that the nation's rogue uncles have left under their mattresses for a rainy.

Surpassing both natural gas, gold and other mineral resources, the nudie mags are now being dug up by the entrepreneurial nephews, who are running blackmarket libraries out of their school backpacks and lockers - as a generation of over-exposed young men get used to the much healthier analogue version of explicit content.