City Worker’s Fitness Plan Tailored To Make Her Dreams Of Outliving All Her Friends A Reality

INGRID DOULTON | Being Puffed | Contact

“It started off with me just wanting to look better in photographs,” she said.

“Then I actually started to feel better, like all the time,”

“I guess that’s when it kind of spiralled into what it’s become now.”

Sandy Oliver says her biggest motivation now to go to the gym is to live longer than all her friends.

And that’s at the core of why the 29-year-old city worker does what she does.

“Isn’t that why people go to the gym? To get fit so they feel better and live longer?” she asked our reporter.

“That’s why I go to the gym. I see some of my other friends treat their body like a service station toilet and I sigh,”

“I sigh because I know that I’m going to look fantastic when they fire up the human kiln and turn her into urn stuffing in twenty-odd years.”

The Advocate can reveal Ms Oliver’s personal trainer designed a bespoke fitness plan with lifespan longevity at the core of it.

However, we elected to not speak to him because life is too short for that.

However, when our reporter spoke to one of Sandy’s hedonistic friends, their outlook on life was much different.

“I can’t afford to grow old,” said Naomi Burger, also a Betootanese city worker.

“So why bother? I’m having an affair with a couple men named Peter Stuyvesant and John Player and they come over to my place each night with a longneck of wine,”

“And we get real weird. We have fun. Then we do it all again the next day. Cheers, Ingrid, you handsome bitch.”

More to come.