Chris Bowen Confirms Australia Has 90 Days Worth Of Oil Before He Has To Dispatch Berserk Motorcycle Gangs To Raid US Military Bases In Pine Gap And Darwin

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As was expected, the conflict in the Middle East is looking like it could very well cause fuel prices to surge to unprecedented levels, as the world prepares for a painful oil shortage that could last far longer than anyone has ever prepared for,

This week it can be confirmed that Australia had just 50 days worth of onshore oil imports as of December, which is pretty bad because we are meant to have a 90 day buffer at all times.

However, that's okay! according to Energy Minister Chris Bowen, who says Australia can just pull a few levers to temporarily allow motorists to use dirtier petrol supplies with higher sulphur levels.

But what happens after our nation's Raptor utes and road trains have chewed through the back-up supply?

Bowen has again called for calm.

"We have options at that point, as well" he the Energy Minister announced in Parliament yesterday, while sporting a new 'Diesel Punk' style rainbow mohawk.

"When we run out of dirty oil, we'll begin looking at alternative onshore supplies"

Namely, the millions of litres of processed oil currently sitting in the external floating roof storage tanks on US military bases, which are located in Central Australia and the Top End.

"There comes a time where we must intrude on the interests of our guests" said Bowen.

"This is a last resort plan that was drafted up over 46-years-ago"

"For many, it was a dystopian fiction - but the Australian government has always remained prepared for the possibility of a breakdown of civil order primarily owing to widespread oil shortages and ecocide"

As Bowen went on to explain, there are convoys of beserker motorcycle gangs waiting for his word.

"If it looks as though we are going to need more oil than we have in storage, I will be dispatching the nightriders to take to the great open roads" said Bowen.

"These raids on storage facilities will be conducted surgically and with more than enough back up"

"It's not just motorobikes. We also have Ford Falcon XBs and specially built V8-powered Pursuit Specials at our disposal"

"Australia's sovereignty comes first. Our strategic partners can complain all they want, but they will not stop me"

"For I am the one that runs from both the living and the dead"