Cause Of Trump’s Mysterious Black Hand Finally Revealed

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

After months long speculation, it can now be revealed that the mysterious bruise on Donald Trump’s hand is not a result of excessive hand shaking but something a little more sinister.

The internet has been rife with rumours about Trump’s poor health as the US president was not seen speaking in public for over a week.

Most damning was a severe decline in golf trips, which is a sure sign the president was not doing well.

Images of Trump’s hand, which is usually covered in poorly matched concealer due to him not having a gay on the team, has prompted many conspiracy theories, with plucky internet sleuths have determined that the bruise appears to show up towards the end of every month.

This has prompted speculation that Trump may be undergoing monthly medical treatments where a cannula is involved.

However, it can now be confirmed that Trump’s blackened hand is not the result of hand shaking or medical treatments, but caused by a mysterious cursed ring containing fragments of a dark soul.

An inside source revealed to The Advocate that Trump was given the cursed piece of jewellery by tech titan Peter Thiel, who is now being accused of trying to fast track JD Vance’s presidency.

“A lot of people have made a great deal of money under Trump’s presidency, but the massive import taxes on China and Taiwan and push for American made goods is severely undercutting techs ability to buy cheap components and turn a profit”, says the source.

“Simply put, Trump is got to go.”

More to come.